Sex, lies and not even one videotape!

First before I start telling you about it all I would warn people who have a certain taboo about sex to keep out of this i.e. people who could actually come up with amazing punch lines like "Chee Chee I didn't expect this from you.How cheap of you to think this way".So such people please keep out.As is the duty of any pornographic website to put this line in their first page I too am putting it for you - Enter here if you are an adult.But unfortunately such websites don't have the nack to keep vulnerable youngsters from visiting their website and rely on the sincereity of their visitors, as I too rely on it.If you are wondering as to how I knew so much about pornographic websites, it is only because I was doing research as to how websites get designed and how graphic content is added onto them.Now, vacillating adolescents please don't read this and blame me for spoiling you cos I don't want your parents banging my door tomorrow morning and getting me all worked up.

So after reading the Terms and Conditions I am ready to delve into what happened.Besides it is advisable that you carry a sick bag with you right away as the ones that they provide in airplanes.

There is a lab for me this semester named 'Electronic System Design Lab' where once I was observing a mosquito.This mosquito made its rounds all over the lab and then around me finally before settling on top of a CRO or function generator; I don't quite remeber as to which.I was now observing the mosquito for about two hours where it didn't make the slightest of movements, not even to scratch its butt.Even a mosquito can sometimes get bored sitting in that lab.

So yesterday, we guys were into our siestas and reveries as the lab was during the afternoon.We even went out to drink coffee but caffeine as usual had little effect on my head.Nothing gets that easily into my head.So we were back and got back to our original positions.However some guys had a much more novel way of passing their time by talking something aimlessly so as to keep themselves alive in that lab.During one such conversation, Maapi out of the blue came up with a darnd question to me - "Machan have you had any sexual experience?" Now the word 'sexual' lit me up and I was into a mood.But I knew right away that the reply to this would end up in some corny joke.So I decided to play it serious.I said so non-chalantly "Yes".I have to tell you about Maapi.He is the centre of attention of girls in our campus with all the girls lining up to form the radius.Now I am not too hot with maths but this is true as you can very well ask anyone in our class, and they'll tell you so much more.But hold it.He is not a normal flirt as you think.This guy is among the top 10 scholarship holders in our department.Now thats Maapi for you.

I have to alert my readers here with the fact that my nearest sexual experience was filling the various questionnaires and applications with the 'Sex:Male/Female' field with a pen.I hate cutting the word 'Female' but how else can I enlighten the society that I am a male.Anyways lets get back to what happened.So Maapi now with a slight smile asked me "Then tell us your experience." This was the sparking I had to receive to get me all started.For your information the other guys hearing this fart were Spang and I guess Ayyapps.So I started right away and it went like this -

'Once after my tenth standard board exams, during the holidays I was on a trip to Bombay.I was travelling alone in the A/C coach and was nice and comfortable inside a coupe.Just then a Gujarathi family entered.The family consisted of the father, mother and their daughter.The daughter was not a stunning beau or anything.' I always thought Guju girls were hot cos my favourite actress is Amisha Patel who happens to be a Guju.And the mother, father bullshit was to make it sound all natural.'So the dad and mom started talking with me and they became real friendly.It seems their daughter was about my age.' My age, my ass, what else could I say there.'Then they had to get down at some station by 10:30 at night and so they asked me to take care of their daughter who was supposed get down at Thane for visiting her relatives or something.' I am not good at geography, and moreover I don't have the faintest idea of what stations come on the way to Bombay, as the last time I had gone to Bombay was when I was 5 or 6 years old.So I preferred to say 'some station'.By now the guys were giggling and guffawing at me and Maapi came up with this rather impertinent question "What was her name da?" I immediately shot it.'Pooja, her name was Pooja.' I also gave them some crappy email id and asked them to go and check for themselves if they did not believe.But it was no use telling them as they were laughing out loud.I then told them that I wouldn't tell them anymore as they were making fun of me.I must say I maintained my face pretty grim.The guys somehow managed to control their laughter and begged me to continue.So I did continue.'We were talking all through the night about things like where she studied and where I studied and stuff like that.Then after chatting for long time she did make a slight move towards me.She quickly glanced at me and then looked down.' The guys were now dying.But I continued with my grim face.'By now I was feeling rather tensed about all this and I kept looking at her.She once again looked at me and I couldn't control it any longer.She made quick move towards me and anticipatiing it I too moved and our lips met.I kissed for about 2 seconds.' The guys were now all over the floor, holding their stomachs as if I had tickled the hell out of them.But I knew I couldn't leave it hanging around there and so I continued.'Then I felt very tensed and said "I guess I will go up and get myself some sleep" and quickly climbed the upper berth and slept it off.'

The story ended.The guys were uncontrollable.I maintained the seriousness very much and walked out of the lab as the lab class too had come to an end.Spang avoided looking at my face as if I was some crazy buffoon.The moment he would see me when we entered the class he would burst.Both of them were bursting all over the place.But I was very determined not to let my crafted piece of fart go so easily.I was sobre and maintained a disgusted-not-at-all-happy kind of face.I must mention that I am a pretty convincing actor.I have received many accolades for my acting abilities ever since school days and even till now so much so that guys like KR would come up with lines that would get me emotional like ***"Thaivasenchu niruththu thaangaley!!" which literally trnslates to "Please do it again dude!!"

Then I narrated the same shit to couple of other guys like Beta who was listening with great interest.I guess he was a lot interested about it as he asked a number of questions to which I reeled off without any hesitation, and also he wasn't laughing like the other guys.Somewhere when I was relating the 'incident' to guys in lab Ananth also barged in and made his usual punned one-liners intermittently when I was on a spree.Mrigank was somehow spared of this fart of mine.

The seriousness I maintained made certain guys doubt my story if it was real, but making them believe was impossible.Then today I ended it all by confirming that I farted all along.Still I managed to pull it off with Eshwar and Mani who were pretty serious while listening.I guess they still believe.

I am right now in a paradoxical situation cos I can't say I am a liar.Besides it would hurt my fellow readers and would lessen their already dwindling number by a factor equal to the speed of light.So with this I will end it and save my face for now.

***- The actual translation is "Please stop it, I can't bear it!!"