The Cold War

Aaaaaaaaaaaccccchhhhhhoooooo.........Excuse me.Yes, it is the famed period during one's lifetime wherein you get all messy about a beautiful organ with which you otherwise use to breathe.The common cold is definitely the most miserable of all viruses that tends to catch you unawares and gives you the sensation and the sends you the premonitions with the signals all right and set to catch you nosing around all over, when you eyes begin to squint, when you feel like you have smelt some dust or have been to a dilapidated house, when your mouth opens quite unintentionally to show all your teeth and then comes the final blow - aaaaaaaaaaccchhhhhoooo!!!

Readers of this post can argue that the syllable used is incorrect.If so, they are generally right.Because( never start a sentence with 'because' because its wrong english or something ), there is a great controversy over the natural outcome of the syllable.My brother, for instance, comes up with this sound - aaaaaaaaccccccccchhhhheeeeeeyyyyy!!!!!!!!! which has its effect till the next ettu theruvu which means '8 streets' in chaste tamil.So you needn't worry really about what sound is produced as long as it is menacing to the people around you and disrupts their activities atleast momentarily.People are usually under a shock, as they take 2 or 3 seconds to fathom what you did, when you sneeze.

Sneeze : An action that co-ordinates both the vocal chord and the messed up nose that you have as to produce a menacing sound and spray some nasal fluid generously over the innocent people at the close proximity of 5-10 m witnessing this religious act of yours.

How to do it?

• Squint your eyes nice and hard.
• Bite all your teeth nicer and harder.
• Make sure that you show all this work of yours.
• Think of the defunct, dusty, dingy exam papers you've managed to hide from your parents or the desk or draw that holds this.
• Concentrate.
• Just let the expression flow through with sensation that overpowers you to make it -aaaaacccchhhooo or aaaaacccchhhhheee or aaaacccchhhheey.Any of these will do.
• Make sure that there atleast 4 or 5 people around you, and do not forget to make note of their glittering faces after you've done the act.This adds encouragement for you to perform better the next time.

Where to do it?

• If you are caught red-handed in your house for some unintended nefarious activity of yours you can do this and get away with it.
• If you are interrogated in school or college in the name of viva voce you can very well use this weapon.
• People who make fun of you for generally no reason or for some obvious defect of yours can also be made to face the brunt of your hard work.
• If not for any particular reason, you can still do this and call yourself "cool", and/or just have the satisfaction that you have achieved something.

Impact on Society

• It is possible that you bunk school or college or work, unintentionally though, and lose attendance.
• This causes loss of much needed revenue to your workplace and country, i.e. if the work you do really matters to the place you work for.
• Common cold also makes your voice a bit shaky, giving a sympathetic viewpoint to whatever crap you say.

Can I spread this?

• Yes, buddy whats the matter with you.You can of course spread it.If you are generous enough you can spread it for free.Otherwise you'll have to market your cold cleverly to people who are a little bit crazy about anything in life.Or otherwise you can just send a cold stare down at any guy on the road or your enemy or someone you thought would look terrific as you are with the virus.But remember by sending the cold stare you'll be doing it for free.

A website I researched actually had this point to say - As possibly the most common disorder that humans can be afflicted with, it is considered something of a common cultural point of reference. Thus, catching a cold is often used as a plot device in various stories, movies, and television series.

Now after reading those guidelines, I guess you must be contented enough as I have answered most common of questions that arise in your mind regarding common cold.Anyways, I thought I would explore and find out a bit more about the common cold.So here goes.

It seems the common cold is very old, not just for the rhyming but also de facto.There are really ancient hieroglyphs that talk about cold and cough and how people have used it effectively to wage wars and all.It seems in 5th century B.C. a dude named Hippocrates, apart from christening the Hippopotamus, also gave a description of this disease.Then I went thinking as to why the common cold is called so.I was okay with the 'common' part, but not very clear with the 'cold' part, as my screen was all hazy after that disastrous sneeze of mine.So it seems, the cold is called so because it generally arises due to the wet feet and clothes and also due to chilling in general.I am not quite clear as to whether this also includes the 'chilling out with babes' stuff.Alright thats it with the 'history' part of cold.

As far as the treatment is concerned, well, there is no treatment for the common cold.It seems only the body's immune system can fight the virus and keep you safe.Now that doesn't mean that I have a weak immune system and all.It only means that my body is currently not finding the means and ways to fight this cold or perhaps that it just is lazy or that it just isn't interested in fighting as basically my body is a non-violent character I must say.But one of my friends, Shivi, said that it is basically due to the lack of vitamin C in my body.However, my research showed that the abundance of vitamin C in the body doesn't guarantee the prevention of cold.

For more information on common cold visit Commoncold.org or Merck manual on Respiratory Viral Diseases : Common Cold.Guess these two sites will do for further development on the subject knowledge.

Further reading - Cold Wars - The Fight Against the Common Cold, by David Tyrrell, former Director of the Common Cold Unit, and Michael Fielder, ISBN 019263285X.

So all said and done, with my keyboard floating and my screen showing multi-colour spots, with everyone of my readers begging for mercy for me to stop this, I shall stop.

God bless you aa.....aaaaaa....aaaa...aaaaaa...all.Shit didn't come out this time.